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do i dare or do i dare? [userpic]

Chaos fic: The Good News (and the Bad News) 3/3

May 2nd, 2011 (07:45 am)
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A/N:  This had to be split in three to make LJ happy.  Notes and comments are here.  I still want to wish moogsthewriter  the best birthday ever :)


Billy may think it’s time, but Rick’s pretty sure it’s not.

At least, he’s not willing to admit it.

Because help is five minutes out, and five minutes isn’t that long.  Five minutes can’t be that long.

It’s nothing more than the blink of an eye.  A microcosm of life.  A snippet of a day.

Rick doesn’t think about how in five minutes, his first day just about became his last.  He doesn’t think about how in five minutes he went from being a hopeful spy to a turncoat.  He doesn’t think about how five minutes nearly secured his outing as a double agent.

He doesn’t think about it.

Doesn’t let himself.

Because five minutes is enough to win trust and break trust.  It’s enough to share a life story and say goodbye.  But it’s not enough to let someone die.

Billy can’t have survived the entire time just to die in the last five minutes.

Still, there’s nothing Rick can do.  He tries shaking the other operative, but this time, there is no response.  Billy’s body is limp and Rick checks the bandage, just to find it worse than before.  The shallow rise and fall of Billy’s chest is somewhat reassuring, but when Rick presses his fingers into Billy’s throat, the beat there is sluggish and erratic.

Five minutes, he tells himself.  Five minutes.

He just needs five more minutes and everything will be okay.  And how could it not?  Rick’s a spy now, everything he ever dreamed of.  His team trusts him, and he trusts his team.  It’s taken months to build that kind of rapport and Rick can’t imagine that he might lose it all in five measly minutes.

Desperate, Rick checks his watch and feels his stomach churn.  He sits up to his knees and presses down on Billy’s wound because he feels like he needs to do something.  Anything.

It’s funny.  As Rick sits there, trying to keep Billy from dying, it strikes him that the uncommon resiliency and luck of this team has always impressed him and frustrated him all at once.  He’s never understood how they could really be that good or that lucky.

But as he watches Billy breathing slow and feels his blood on his hands, he realizes that talent and luck only go so far.  Sometimes, the best isn’t good enough, and it’s not a lesson he wants to learn, but one that he may have no choice to accept when the next five minutes are gone.


In two minutes, Billy starts trembling.  His breathing grates harder now and he’s on the verge of convulsions.

In three minutes, Rick’s almost crying because someone he’s supposed to look out for is dying.  Someone he cares about might not make it.

In four minutes, Rick stops crying.  He thinks about the what this mission is all about.  He thinks about how even if Billy dies, the plan will still be a success.

In five minutes, Michael shows up and Rick remembers that sometimes the plan isn’t everything.  Sometimes there’s just a whole lot more.


When Michael talks about the cavalry, he’s really not kidding.  The army sends tanks and troops, complete with automatic guns and full gear.

Really, it’s a bit overkill.  But really, Rick doesn’t care.  He doesn’t care about much of anything except the medics that Michael has in tow.

There’s a sudden hustle, and Rick finds himself pulled away.  Billy is lowered to the ground, shirt cut open.  The makeshift bandage is quickly removed, replaced by a fresh compress that the medics put in place with the utmost efficiency.

Another is starting an IV while the first moves to hook up some monitors.  Once they’re turned on, Billy’s heart rate sounds unevenly in the now-busy halls, and Rick suddenly feels lightheaded.

There’s a hand on his arm, and he’s being flanked on both sides.  When he looks up, Casey is right next to him, Michael on the other side, meeting his gaze.  He doesn’t know where Malcolm is, and frankly, he really doesn’t care.

Rick’s attention shifts back to Billy, who is now being transferred to a backboard.  Within a few short seconds, the medics are on their feet, moving out with Billy strapped down.  One of them pauses next to Michael.  “We’re taking him back to base,” he says.  “You can hop a ride with the next transport back.”

“How’s he look?” Casey asks.

The medic’s expression flickers, just for a moment, before his obvious training kicks back in.  “Placement actually doesn’t look too bad.  It may have missed most of his internal organs, but with that amount of blood loss, it may not matter.”

Michael nods.  “Thank you,” he says.

The medic shrugs and turns back to follow the rest of his team.

And just like that, they’re gone.

It’s not something that really computes.  After watching Billy slowly bleed, it feels like he’s letting go too soon.  At least before, Rick would have known if something happened.

Next to him, Casey shakes his head.  “We should have seen this coming.”

Michael’s reply is almost automatic.  “There’s never any way to see this coming.”

“He thought he had something to prove,” Casey says back, a little harsh.  He turns to look at Michael.  “You know that the minute Arlington showed up, Billy had something to prove.”

Michael wets his lips, but his expression doesn’t betray his emotions.  “Billy did his job,” he says flatly, brokering no arguments.  “Just like any of us would.”

Casey doesn’t disagree, but the expression on his face tells Rick that he still has his doubts.  Still, Casey has no comeback, and he just shakes his head and makes his way down the hall.  Rick can’t help but notice that he side steps the pool of Billy’s blood, still drying on the carpet.

For a moment, they lapse into silence.

Then, Rick says, “He didn’t stick to the plan.”

Michael looks at him. 

Rick shrugs.  “He was supposed to stay with Casey.”

“We wouldn’t have made it out if he didn’t come for us,” Michael points out.

“But if he’d followed the plan...”

“Then we’d both be dead,” Michael concludes, somewhat curt. 

Rick swallows uneasily.  He doesn’t wish it on Michael, but if this experience has made him certain of anything, it’s that he’d make that sacrifice for his team.

Michael sighs.  “Plans are important, but there’s always more than one plan at play in a mission,” he explains, his voice gentler now.

Rick waits for more.

“Part of the plan was securing the base and getting the hostages out alive,” Michael continues.

“And what’s the other part?” Rick prompts

Michael smiles ruefully.  “Getting each other out alive.”

Rick’s chest tightens.

Michael’s hand squeezes on his arm again.  “Billy did the right thing,” he says.  “And so did you.”


From there, it moves kind of quickly.  Rick is used to that, though.  Most missions are hours of torturous waiting followed by rapid-fire action.

Only most of the time, Rick’s actually a bit more interested in it all.

And it’s not that he’s not interested really.  Securing the complex is important--he knows that.  But the fact that they’ve got an entire army unit to do the job for them, complete with tanks and ammo to easily fend off and capture whatever reinforcements straggle in, really makes it just that much easier to mentally check out.

If he’s honest, Rick knows that this is part of the mission and all, but he can’t get his mind off Billy.  He knows the doctors at the base probably don’t need Rick’s help any more than the soldiers here do, but in terms of what seems most important, Billy’s life over a sterile terrorist compound is sort of a no brainer.

Fortunately, he’s not the only one.  He follows Michael around for a few dutiful stops, and when everything seems well in hand, Michael leads them back out where they already find Casey loading up a transport.

Michael doesn’t really think twice about it as he snags the keys and slides into the driver’s seat.  “Did you get permission to take this?” he asks.

Casey jumps in besides him while Rick takes position in the back. 

Casey shrugs.  “More or less.”

Michael just nods.  “Good enough for me.”


It impresses Rick that Michael knows where he’s going without even looking at a map.  These things are instinctive to him, and Rick wonders if it’s always been that way for him or if it took years to build to this point.  Either way, Rick’s just grateful when they get to the base in good time. 

The base is larger than Rick might expect, with sprawling tents set up throughout the area.  The medical tents are easy to find with the red cross on top of them, and Rick supposes there’s something fortunate in the fact that this is an army facility.  This way, when they walk inside, they don’t have much red tape to go through before they find someone who knows about Billy.

It’s a doctor, and she’s young.  “I was part of the team that treated him when he first came in,” she reports.  Her blonde hair is pulled into a ponytail and she has a slight midwestern accent. 

“So where is he now?” Casey asks.

“Dr. Brown transferred him over to surgery to remove the bullet,” she says.

This isn’t a surprise, but for some reason it still hits Rick a little like a punch to the gut.

“What’s his prognosis?” Michael says.

“The bullet doesn’t appear to have done any damage to his internal organs, which is the good news,” she says.

Rick’s heart flutters.  “And the bad news?”

She shrugs, a little helpless.  “His blood volume is dangerously low,” she says.  “We’ve transfused him, but even so, surgery is risky for patients who experience that degree of hypovolemic shock.”

Rick finds that he doesn’t have anything to say.  Rather, he has a million questions, but can’t find any way to make his voice work.

Michael doesn’t miss a beat, however.  “How long will it take?”

“A few hours, maybe more,” she says.  “Depends how many bleeders Dr. Brown finds.”

Casey blows out a frustrated breath and Rick does everything he can to keep from vomiting.

“I’m sorry I can’t tell you more,” she says, and she sounds genuine about that.  “We have some area at the front of the tent if you’d like to wait.”


Rick doesn’t really want to wait.

He feels sort of like he’s been waiting for hours now, and the blood on his hands seems like an apt enough defense.

Still, it’s a frustratingly inevitable fact that there’s really nothing else for him to do.

Michael excuses himself to make a phone call back to Higgins.  Casey begrudgingly agrees to go with him. 

“You’ll let us know if you hear anything?” Michael asks.

Rick blinks, then nods.  “Of course,” he says.  Besides, at this point, Rick doesn’t really know what else to do.


Rick would think that waiting in a semi-comfortable chair in a friendly facility without the immediate threat of death would actually be an improvement.

But as the minutes tick by, Rick’s not entirely convinced that it is.

It means something that Billy is getting the help he needs.  But sitting there, by himself, is just as terrifying as before.  He runs his hands together, watching the drying blood flake off, and wonders why it feels like everything is still slipping through his fingers.

Things don’t exactly take a turn for the better when Malcolm Arlington shows up.

Rick barely affords him a glance.  The older man idles for a moment in the entryway, seeming to decide if he wants to settle down or keep on moving.

Rick knows which option he prefers, but it appears that luck has decided to work against him yet again.

With a sigh, Malcolm settles down in a chair kitty-corner from Rick.

Rick studiously ignores him.

After a moment, Malcolm blows out a breath and seems to give in to the inevitable awkwardness.  “So,” he says.  “No news yet?”

Rick barely glances at him.  “He’s in surgery.”

“So he is still alive then,” Malcolm verifies.

Rick can’t help but scowl.  “No thanks to you.”

Malcolm looks surprised, dark eyebrows lifting toward his strong hairline.  The fact that he looks more dashing with this light distress just makes Rick irrationally hate him more.

“I was the one sticking to the plan, mate,” he says.  “Collins’ desire to run around and play by his own rules is his problem.”

Rick is really not impressed anymore.  “He was saving our lives.”

“Spies don’t have the luxury of picking and choosing their own missions,” Malcolm tells him in a perfunctory sort of way.  “It’s just too dangerous.  There’s no way to track it.  I can’t believe that even your messed up American government would approval such chaos.”

Given the nature of the American government, Rick actually sort of thinks that no one would be aware of such chaos until it was entirely too late.  And really, if his government is concerned about an operative going rogue to do the right thing, then the government needs to rethink its priorities considering the state of the economy.

But that’s neither here nor there, and he certainly doesn’t plan to admit any weaknesses in the American system, justified or otherwise, to some pretentious Brit.

Instead, Rick lifts his head a little.  “But sometimes you don’t know the real mission until you’re in it,” he says.  “I’m sure even your stuffy British system would approve a little improvisation.”

“You clearly don’t know anything about the British government,” Malcolm responds.

“I know you still serve a Queen that does nothing but cost you money and take up tabloid space.”

“And you elect idiots to office and then spend four years looking for reasons to impeach them.”

Rich scowls.

Malcolm settles back, folding his arms over his chest.  “You’re missing the point anyway,” he says.  “You can’t operate in a world of hypotheticals.  You have to take the facts and make the best decisions you can.  The entire system needs to stay afloat and one loose canon on deck can sink the entire ship.”

“Or save it,” Rick shoots back without missing a beat.

Malcolm’s jaw tightens almost imperceptibly.  His posture stiffens.  “That’s a risk I’ve never been willing to take.”

Rick really wants to laugh at that.  Because it’s the risk that Rick takes every day when he shows up for work.  He knows his team.  He trusts his team.  And they trust him.  And that trust is the only check and balance the ODS really need to stay afloat.  It’s why they work and why, after everything, Rick doesn’t think he’d ever want to be another kind of spy, not even if Higgins gave him the chance.

The laugh feels bitter in his throat, and he shakes his head instead.  “That’s a risk that I’m not sure we can afford not to take,” Rick counters.

Malcolm smiles a little.  “You’re young.”

“And you had your best operative decommissioned and deported.”

Malcolm’s smile fades.  “You didn’t know him then,” he says, and there’s an implicit warning in his voice.

“Maybe,” Rick accedes.  “But you sure as hell don’t know him now.”


Rick falls asleep, head propped up against the wall.  It’s an awkward angle, but waiting is lonely and the full impact of the mission seems to be catching up with him.

He dreams, half-imagined fantasies.  For a while, he’s back at home and his mother is making him dinner.  She serves it to him piping hot and starts to lecture him in Spanish.

He’s telling her no, that he doesn’t need to make his bed, that he doesn’t need to wash his whites separate from his colors, when somewhere a bomb goes off and the entire house shakes.

He’s thrown off his feet, his mother’s dinner all over the floor.  He hears her crying somewhere, but doesn’t know how to get up.  Doesn’t know how to do anything.  She’s screaming, “Ayudame!  Ayudame, por favor!” and Rick thinks this is his duty.  This is his moment.

But he can’t stand.  Something’s wrong.  He can hardly move.

He’s flailing for a moment, when three shadows fall over him.

He stops and looks up.  Michael is staring at him.  Casey rolls his eyes.  And Billy just smirks.

“Do you need a hand?” Michael asks.

“Of course he needs a hand,” Casey mutters.  “Look at him.”

“Oh, don’t be mean,” Billy chimes in.  “None of us like to admit our inherent weaknesses.”

“And none of us have to,” Michael agrees and he extends his hand.

Rick’s just about to take it when another voice pervades the dream:  “You the guys here for Billy Collins?”


When Rick’s awake, he realizes that he’s no longer alone.  There is, in fact, a doctor there, and somewhere between falling asleep and dreaming, Michael and Casey have returned and Malcolm has disappeared.

Blinking rapidly, Rick tries to forget the dream.  Tries to forget just about everything except the doctor in front of him and the information that he invariably possesses.

“How is he?” Michael asks before Rick even has a chance to get on his feet next to them.

Rick might resent the fact that he’s been the one waiting and Michael is the one doing all the talking, except that Rick’s too tired to think and Michael really does the whole in-charge thing well.

The doctor purses his lips for a moment but doesn’t seem overly worried about pretenses.  “He’s in recovery,” he reports.  “It took awhile to chase down all the bleeders and we had to transfuse him more than I like, but he’s a tough guy.”

“So he’s okay?” Michael asks.

The doctor shrugs.  “He’s still critical,” he says.  “But he seems to be stable.  After what he’s been through, it’s about the best you can hope for.”

“When can we see him?” Casey says.

“Give us five minutes and then I’ll have a nurse take you back,” he says.

And Rick sort of wants to laugh because five minutes sounds so simple, but he knows that it’s a lifetime as readily as anything.


For five minutes, they sit.

Michael and Casey seem to have no problem with it, but now that he’s awake again, Rick can’t control the nervous energy.  He takes to pacing, mostly because he feels like he’s going to explode if he doesn’t.

“It’s only five minutes,” Casey reminds him.

Rick glares.

“Higgins was impressed,” Michael offers, changing the subject.

Rick looks at him, surprised.

Michael shrugs.  “In case you cared,” he amends.

“Oh,” Rick says, pausing in his pacing.  “So the mission was a success?”

“Higgins said as soon as we’re all good to go, he’ll have a transport waiting to take us back home,” Michael confirms.

Rick nods, a little convulsively.  “That’s good.”

Casey looks exasperated.  “Yes,” he says. “That’s very good.”

“Where’s Malcolm?”

Casey doesn’t try to hide his scoff.

Michael’s tone is even.  “I heard him checking in with his superior,” he says.  “Then I saw him get on a transport and leave.”

Rick doesn’t know why this surprises him.  “He’s gone?”

Michael nods.  “He’s gone.”

It’s a relief on one level.  The thought of Malcolm Arlington sort of makes him want to punch something--hard--and having less to do with him is better, all things considered.

But still.  The fact that he’s gone rubs Rick the wrong way.  Because sure, the official mission is over.  But it’s more than that.  The primary objective can be finished, but until they’re all alive and accounted for on the other side, then the entire thing feels far from over.

And yet Malcolm still left.  Billy could live or die, and Malcolm’s already on his way home, ready to mark another notch on his belt.

It feels like an easy out, because it is an easy out.

That’s the difference, Rick realizes.  The real difference between Malcolm and the rest of them.  Malcolm thinks getting the as long as he can files a clean report, then that’s good enough.  The ODS operates under the belief that doing the right thing is paramount and filing something at all is good enough.

It’s a difference in process.  More than that, it’s a difference in principle.  And it’s a difference that matters.

Finally, Rick nods, a little numb.  “We don’t need him,” he says.

Casey grunts.

Michael smiles.  “I don’t think we ever did.”


In five minutes, a nurse takes them back.  She warns them to be careful and to be quiet, and she reiterates that Billy’s condition is still a little precarious.

As if they need the reminder.

Because it just takes one look at Billy to see that it’s still a fragile thing.  He looks small on the cot somehow, almost crowded out by an array of bandages and equipment.  But the heart monitor is beeping, a steady, reassuring beat, and even if Rick’s afraid to move, he finds comfort in that.

None of them say anything.  None of them have to.

There’s a quiet determination in Casey’s eyes, and Rick can see traces of regret.  Regret that he let Billy go off alone. Regret that he wasn’t there to back him up, even when he knows he couldn’t have been.

Michael is stoic, face drawn and impassive.  But Rick understands it.  He understands that Michael’s calculating everything.  He’s going over what happened and planning what will come next.   He’s thinking about how this went wrong and trying to recreate how it still somehow went right.

Rick doesn’t have nearly that much to think about.  For now, he just wants to know Billy’s alive and that the team is together.  After that, he trusts that things will fall into place the way they should.


As far as the paperwork’s concerned, that really is the end of the story.  Billy recovers in the military hospital, faster than the doctor predicts, but with a flair that doesn’t surprise any of them.

The days that follow are sort of easy.  Life on base is as comfortable as Rick might expect, and honestly, the friendly camaraderie from sharing a tent with his teammates makes it go pretty fast.

After three days, Billy’s sitting up and he’s staring to joke again, and it feels like things are getting back to normal.

But sometimes, Rick can still feel the blood on his hands.  Can still hear Billy’s grating breath and that last confession.

Of course, Billy doesn’t seem to remember it.  Or, if he does, he doesn’t seem overly inclined to talk about it.  Which, makes sense.  Billy’s easy with casual conversation, but of all of them, he’s been the least likely to open about personal things.  It’s entirely possible that Billy would rather pretend that none of it happened.

And Rick should respect that.  He wants to.


It’s hard.  It’s not that Rick isn’t good at keeping secrets, it’s that he knows this secret and he doesn’t even know if Billy remembers that he told it.

Ultimately, Rick cracks.

He’s sitting with Billy, joking about the state of the food on base, when he randomly segues:  “So are you okay with the fact that Malcolm left?”

Billy raises his eyebrows and Rick finds himself blushing.  Somehow, the transition from mystery casserole to Malcolm’s uncomfortable presence and departure seemed much more natural.

“I just meant,” Rick tries to clarify.  “I mean--”

Billy smiles, shaking his head.  “I was wondering how long it would take you before you broke down to talk about it.”

Rick’s a little embarrassed that he’s so easy to predict, but at this point, his curiosity is driving him so crazy that he can’t bring himself to care too much.  “I just didn’t know if you wanted to talk about it,” he offers lamely.

“Considering I’m not the one who brought it up,” Billy ventures.

“What you said, though,” Rick continues on.  “I mean, that’s a lot.”

Billy sighs, seeming to deflate a little.  “It’s not something I talk about a lot,” he admits.

“But you did talk about it,” Rick insists.

“If I recall, I was dying at the time.”

“I’m just sorry about it,” Rick says.  “I mean, how Malcolm treated you.  You saved his life and he didn’t even stick around.”

“I’m the former employee who defied orders and committed an act of borderline treason,” Billy reminds him.  “Malcolm has his reasons.”

“Malcolm was wrong,” Rick says, with a fresh confidence.

Billy is a little amused by the assertion.  “I certainly thought so,” he says.  Then he shakes his head.  “I should have known better, though.”

“Did you regret it?” Rick asks.

Billy stops at the question, pausing as if to consider it for the first time in awhile.  His smile turns wistful.  “No,” he says.  “People were going to die.  They may not have been British citizens, but I had the means to save them.  They got to go on and have lives.  That was worth it.”

Rick’s heart aches, just a little.  “But you lost your life.”  Literally and figuratively, because just as readily as Billy almost bled out back there, Rick knows that Billy can never go back to his home country.  No matter how much Billy doesn’t talk about it, Rick can only imagine never going back to his mother’s for Sunday dinner or never seeing all his siblings around the tree at Christmas.

Blood loss isn’t the only way to die.  Doctors can sew veins together and stitch skin, but Rick wonders if there’s ever any way to really heal the heart.

“Eh,” Billy says, shrugging, but his eyes dart away.  After a moment, he looks up, almost a little shy.  “But I seem to have found another one.”

It’s an answer Rick doesn’t expect, and the warmth of it makes Rick smile.  It relieves him--for his sake and for Billy’s--because it means there’s a hope for second chances.

And third chances and fourth chances.  And as many chances as they can muster.

“So,” Rick says, shifting in the chair.  “I know how you got deported, but that still doesn’t quite explain how you got picked up by the CIA.”

Billy feigns hurt.  “You mean you doubt that the reputation that preceded me was enough?”

Rick refuses to be easily convinced.  “You were deported,” he says.  “That hardly makes you a valuable asset.”

Billy seems to accept that.  “True,” he says.  “But one country’s traitor is often another country’s hero.”

“But I thought you said the terrorist cell you worked with went on to commit crimes?” Rick asks.

“Yes, they did,” Billy says.  “But the people I saved--”

“They were Americans,” Rick realizes.

“A nice variety of ex-pats and overseas businessmen,” Billy confirms.  “All in all, the CIA was quite grateful that I did the job that none of their agents could get permission for.”

After all of it, Rick has to laugh.  Billy’s the villain and the hero all at once, depending on which version of the story he picks.

Of course, Rick’s a smart guy and that one is really a no brainer.  Billy, just like Casey and Michael, are heroes, every time.  Hands down.

“Well, I guess I have to say I’m glad you did it,” he tells Billy

Billy looks genuinely pleased.  “Why, thank you, Rick,” he returns.  “That means quite a lot.”

Rick nods, then bristles.  “But the next time you get shot, all bets are off,” he warns.

Billy gives him a fake salute.  “Completely understood.”

And Rick breaks out into a grin.


Michael is smiling.  “The good news is,” he begins, “that we get to go home today.”

“Thank God,” Casey says.  “I’m starting to taste sand when I’m sleeping.  I think it may have permanently impaired my taste buds.”

Billy grins.  “I have to admit, I won’t really be sorry to bid this place farewell,” he says.  Then he leans forward a bit.  “But I may miss the nurses just a bit.  Medical prowess and uniforms.”  His eyes glow salaciously.  “It feels a bit like heaven.”

Rick rolls his eyes.

Michael just crosses his arms over his chest.  “Well, we still have a few hours,” he says.  “You can make the most of it.”

Billy’s face lights up. 

Rick shakes his head.  “So what’s the bad news?”

“Billy’s recovery has been so spectacular that he’s been cleared for a commercial flight,” Michael reports.

Casey groans.

Rick feels himself starting to despair.  “Tell me they at least got business class this time,” he says, almost begging.

Michael shrugs.  “Our government is in a spending crisis.”

Rick groans.

Billy just grins.  “Come on, lad,” he cajoles.  “Considering the mission we’ve had, it can only get better, right?”

There’s a logic to that, which is probably why Rick doesn’t trust it at all.



Posted by: Moogs (moogsthewriter)
Posted at: May 2nd, 2011 03:24 pm (UTC)
H50 - Danny approves




Seriously, though. This is one of the best presents I've ever received, hands down. The fact that you took the time to write me Billy background whump h/c fic blows my mind so much that I can't even begin to describe the awesomeness of it.

And the fact you have their voices down so well--I can seriously hear them speaking, it's that good. I am much impressed with you.

In sum: THANK YOU! <3 <3

(Also, where'd that icon come from? Because it's totally awesome.)

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: May 2nd, 2011 03:28 pm (UTC)
psych road ahead

I'm just so very glad you liked it :) It was a whirlwind writing experience and I was terrified that it wasn't any good.

Though I have to say, when someone shares all the same interests and passions in fandom/writing as me, it makes writing a b-day fic especially gratifying. Because I can promise you, writing a background/whump/h/c fic regarding Billy really wasn't that much of an emotional trial, all things considered :)

So, you're welcome! I hope you have the absolute best birthday ever!

(And that icon comes from the show Primeval, which I have fallen in love with thanks to the awesomeness of James Murray. He did a stint on it for two seasons and he got rather battered around a bit, which is where I made that from. Of course, his stint on the show doesn't have the happiest of endings, which I can tell you about someday if you want :)

Posted by: Moogs (moogsthewriter)
Posted at: May 2nd, 2011 03:47 pm (UTC)
H50 - Partners

Dude, it was so completely awesome. I am totally in love with it, have no fear. :)

Yes, I can imagine this must have been so difficult for you. :D

Thank you!! <3

(I do believe I'm going to have to watch this show! Is it available online? I need more James Murray, since CBS was a meanie and took him away from me just as I fell in love with him.)

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: May 2nd, 2011 04:29 pm (UTC)
danny steve walk

(I've found the eps on youtube, broken up into about five parts. I can link you via email, if you like. There's no guarantee they'll be there forever since it's obvious copyright infringement but they've been up for awhile now. I did break down and buy the first two series on DVD to fully appease myself. Because like you, I simply need more James Murray and while these seasons are short, he's really quite pretty in them. As I said, things don't go so well for him in S2 in a variety of ways, and while I won't spoil you unless you ask to be spoiled, I just feel compelled to tell you in case you stress over not-happy endings the way I do. I do recommend the show, though, especially since my muse is heading that direction next....)

Posted by: pink_flame_87 (pink_flame_87)
Posted at: May 2nd, 2011 05:43 pm (UTC)

CHAOS Fic! Yay!

This was really, really well done. All of the characters sounded like themselves, to the point I could hear the actors saying the lines. Rick's relationship to each of the team members felt very true to the show as well. The fact that it was told from Rick's perspective left me feeling like I had watched a new episode (oh, if only), and I loved the themes of chaos vs logic, and plans vs. principles running through the whole thing.

Basically, amazing job! I would love to read more CHAOS fic from you in the future.

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: May 5th, 2011 03:12 am (UTC)
stephen skeptical

There really does need to be more fic for this show :)

And thank you! There's been so few eps that it's not always easy to get a good grasp on them in my head. I'm hopeful that my muse is not done with this crew yet because I do find them a lot of fun. (And here's hoping that CBS finally shows the rest of the eps or we at least get a DVD...)

Posted by: nietie (nietie)
Posted at: May 8th, 2011 04:30 pm (UTC)


Wonderful fic! I love it that it's written from Rick's POV. The angst was awesome.

Billy got hurt! EEEE! His background story with Malcolm was great.

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: May 9th, 2011 09:25 pm (UTC)
CHAOS team

I do have a thing for hurting my favor characters. I'd call it a problem if I didn't enjoy it so much :)

I really am curious what backstory the writers had in mind for Billy. Maybe someday if CBS ever gets smart.


Posted by: Evil Insane Monkey (eviinsanemonkey)
Posted at: November 4th, 2012 03:43 pm (UTC)

This fic is so brilliant! ♥

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: November 9th, 2012 04:03 am (UTC)
billy casey trouble

Thank you :)

Also I keep meaning to upload more fics to AO3. I know I asked already, but anything else you wanted to read?

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