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Apocalypse Now (Absoution Later) Epilogue

Apocalypse Now (Absolution Later)



Part One.....Part Two.....Part Three.....Part Four.....Epilogue


It was easy to talk big to Castiel.  The thought of actually talking to Sam, however, made him feel like a coward.  He didn’t know what to say.

No, he knew what to say.  He just didn’t know how to make himself say it.

It went back to being weak, that fear of seeming like he didn’t have it in control.  He wanted his brother back, but the notion of letting his own vulnerabilities come to the foreground to help bring about reconciliation scared the crap out of him.  It had taken more than a little cajoling to get him back on board with hunting, and a whole hell of a lot more to make him believe that he could save the world--so the idea of approaching Sam and letting someone see his flaws again?

Not high on the list of things he wanted to do.

But he did want his brother back.

It was a question of which he wanted more.  And if he’d learned anything over the last few days, it was that there was no question at all.

He found Sam sitting in the bed, looking clean, but still as weary as ever.  Castiel’s apology had confused Sam, left him reeling, and Dean could see that the kid still wasn’t sure what it meant--for him and for them.

Clearing his throat, Dean eased himself into the chair, giving his brother a grin.  “So,” Dean said.  “Nice bath?”

“Very spongy,” Sam returned quietly.

Dean grinned.  “Sounds kinky.”

Sam returned the smile half-heartedly.  “If not for the stitches and bruises, maybe.”

“You have to work the injury angle,” Dean chided him lightly.  “Haven’t I taught you anything?”

Sam’s smile faltered, and he looked down. 

Dean cleared his throat, feeling awkward.  “Well, there’s always tomorrow,” Dean said.  “I haven’t talked to the doc yet, but I have a feeling you’re not going anywhere for awhile.”

“I can sign out AMA,” Sam offered.  “I mean, I think I can probably get around on crutches.  I’d just be slow for a little bit.”

“Uh, yeah,” Dean said.  “You think?”

“I’m just saying--”

“We’re not going anywhere,” Dean said definitively.  “Let’s just let the docs tell you when you’re ready to book it before we head back out there.  It’s the apocalypse.  It’s not going to go anywhere.”

It was supposed to be reassuring, but Dean could see it was having the wrong effect entirely.  Sam looked positively droopy on the bed, like someone had just run over his dog.  Of course, Sam didn’t have a dog; he just had a guilty conscience that simply would not quit.

Dean sighed.  “We could use the break, anyway.”

Sam nodded at that.  “Then, I don’t know.  I thought, if it was okay, I’d get the laptop, maybe see if we can get a lead,” he said.  Then he shrugged.  “Unless, you know, you would rather find us a gig.”

It was more than Dean could take.  He was trying to rebuild the connection, trying to work his way into some kind of apology, but Sam couldn’t stop with his own self-deprecating apologies.  At this rate, they weren’t going to get anywhere.  “You don’t have to do that,” Dean said suddenly.

Sam looked surprised, his face so blank that Dean swore the kid looked like he was five again.  “Do what?”

Flushed, Dean wrinkled his nose, rubbing uncertainly at the back of his neck.  “Ask me for permission.”

Sam still looked blank, but his eyebrows rose a little.  “I just thought you would want me to clear it with you first,” Sam said.

Dean sighed.  “Dude, I’m not Dad.  You’re an adult.  You can take a piss without clearing with me first.  In fact, I’d rather you did.”

Sam just looked confused.  “I don’t have to go the bathroom right now,” he said.

Dean rolled his eyes.  Subtlety wasn’t his thing, apparently.  He licked his lips, shifting in his seat.  “I don’t just mean about the bathroom.”

Shaking his head, Sam’s brow creased deeper.  “Okay, I’ll remember not to inform you about my bodily functions.”

Groaning, Dean put his head back.  This wasn’t working.  He didn’t want another guideline Sam thought he had to follow.  He wanted Sam to understand that it was okay to just live, that Dean didn’t have to keep in check, because Sam could keep himself in check.  That Dean trusted him again.

It was just kind of hard to, well, say.

“Look, I just--I mean--I know you’ve screwed up in the past, okay?  You screwed up bad,” Dean began.

Sam’s body went rigid, his face tight.  He blinked rapidly, nodding his head, quick and fast.

Dean had to keep going.  This wasn’t how he wanted to say it, but it was the only way he knew how.  “And I don’t know.  Seeing you like that, seeing you drink the blood, seeing you go through hallucination after hallucination.  Tying you down, watching you have a damn seizure--I just never thought you could get that low.”

Sam’s jaw quivered, and Dean could see that his brother wanted to look away, but true to Sam’s new self-flagellant nature, he refused to allow himself that much.

Collecting a deep breath, Dean continued.  “And then you picked her,” Dean said, and his own voice wavered.  “You picked her and you choked me.  And then when I finally find you again, you’d just ended the whole damn world.  Because you believed her and turned yourself into a monster.  I told you, Sam.  I told you all along, and you never listened.  And you were wrong.  You were so very wrong.  In all of that, just having you around was as much as I could do.  The thought of trusting you--it just wasn’t in me anymore.  Not after what you’d done.  Not after what I’d seen you become.”

A tear slipped down Sam’s cheek, and this time Sam did look away, his head dipped in shame.

“But people change,” Dean pressed on, and this was the important part.  Important because Dean had spent a long time pushing Sam away, keeping his brother away.  Sam wasn’t the only one who had something to atone for.  It was time to understand Sam, to really know him. 

“You aren’t the same kid who went to Stanford.  But I’m not the same guy who went to Hell.  And nothing makes what you did okay, but I should have seen it sooner.  Not just that you were different, but why.  I just didn’t want to think about those four months, you know?  Your life without me.  If I didn’t think about it, then maybe it wasn’t real.  Maybe I didn’t die, maybe I didn’t break the first seal in Hell, maybe none of it happened.”  He swallowed.  “But it did happen.  I did break the first seal, and you broke the last one.  I don’t to get into a pissing contest about who screwed up worse, because it’s over now.  And it’s time to put it behind us.”

Sam looked up at him, and his face was wet now.  He just shook his head.  “I don’t deserve that much,” he said, his voice taut.  “I don’t deserve any of it.”

“Sam--”

Sam shook his head, vehemently now.  “You had no choice,” Sam gritted out.  “I did.  I had every choice and you told me to stop, and I didn’t.  You can never trust me again.”

“I had a choice, too, Sam.  When I made that deal.”

“It’s not the same,” Sam insisted.

“Fine,” Dean said shortly.  “You have to come to your own peace with yourself.  But I need you to know, that for me, for us, I trust you.”

Sam looked at him, his eyes begging to understand.  “But...how?” he asked.

“Because people make mistakes, Sammy,” Dean said, and he could recite his own list as easily as Sam could.  “And because people change.  But even when we forget it, we keep coming back to it.  Family.  Brothers.  You and me, Sam.  We make an awesome team.  When we were out there together, working together, as a team--it’s the best I’ve felt in months.  The best we’ve hunted in months.  Never once, when it was on the line, did I think you would fail me.  I trusted you subconsciously even before I had it in my mind that I could.  I just figured it was time for the rest of me to catch up.”

It was obvious that Sam wanted to believe him.  There was a desperate quality to Sam’s expression, but it was masked with fear.  Fear to believe, fear of himself--Dean wasn’t sure.  But they were close, now.  Close to coming clean, close to making amends, close to getting back to the closest thing to good that they could ever hope to have at this point.

 Bobby was right, though.  Sam was strong-willed, in all the best and worst ways.

Stubbornly, Sam shook his head.  “I’ll stay with you.  I will stick by yourself until you tell me to go, but I will never make up for what I did.  Ever.”

Dean sighed.  “You really think you’re so special?” Dean asked.  “You think you’re the only one who got us here?  What about Cas, letting you out?  What about me, breaking the first seal?”

“That wasn’t your fault,” Sam said again, stronger now.  “And Cas unlocked the door.  I chose to leave.”

Dean laughed incredulously, shaking his head.  “So it’s not my fault that while in the pits of Hell, I couldn’t resist torturing souls, but it is your fault that in the depths of addiction, you couldn’t resist a chance to get a fix?  Sam, I saw you.  The blood had complete control over you.  The detox was killing you.”

“And that was my mistake, too,” Sam shot back.  “I drank the blood.  I did it to myself.  I’m the monster, me, and you said so.”

“And I can’t be wrong?” Dean yelled finally.  Sam seemed taken aback, his face paling.  Dean sighed, running a frustrated hand through his hair.  “When are you going to get it, Sam?  This isn’t about me forgiving you--because I already have.  This is about you forgiving yourself.  I know the mistakes I’ve made, and, trust me, there are a lot.  And not just about Hell or even the deal.  But in how I treated you.  I assumed the worst, that entire year.  I jumped down your throat and I never even thought to ask you.  But I’m trying to own up to them so I can move on.  That’s what Cas’ apology was all about.  So, what about you, huh?  Are you going to man up and get over this crap or am I going to be stuck without a hunting partner throughout the apocalypse?”

Sam’s eyes blazed with the vestiges of his defiance.  “You can do this alone,” Sam said, his voice strained and soft.

“Yeah,” Dean said.  “But I don’t want to.”

Sam’s breathing hitched, and a sob broke free.  Even after all this time, they both remembered what started them on this journey together.

“It’s what makes you stronger, Sam,” Dean admitted, his throat feeling tight.  “When you were gone, I couldn’t do anything.  And you--you somehow managed to keep going.  You didn’t do it all right, but you still did it.  And even now, I don’t know how you do it.  How you get up day after day.”

Especially knowing the burden Sam carried.  The guilt he refused to give up.

“I do it for you,” Sam said.  “I always did it for you.  I let you down in so many ways, but I couldn’t fail at that.”

Dean just nodded, his eyes burning suspiciously.  “Yeah,” he said, nodding a little.  “I guess maybe it runs in the family.  Bitch.”

Sam stared at him, incredulous, dumbfounded, and hopeful.  “You think it’s that easy?” he asked.  “After all of this, we can just be like it was?”

Dean scoffed.  “How much harder do you want to make it?  You already jumped off a cliff, got thrown over a waterfall, and buried in a rock slide.  I think you’ve worked hard enough.”

Sam seemed to consider that, chuckling ruefully.  “It has been quite an experience.”

“You’re telling me,” Dean said.  “I’m the one who had to fend of the horde of angry wildlife.”

“Castiel did all the hard work,” Sam said with a shy grin.

“Well, that’s more than I can say for you, bitch.”

Sam scowled, but it was a good-natured turn.  “I was looking for you, jerk.”

“Well,” Dean said, and he was smiling in earnest now.  “Looks like we found each other, Sammy.”

Sam hesitated, his head inclining slightly.  Then resolved settled over his face, and he nodded, brisk and decidedly.  “Yeah,” he said.  “Maybe we did.”

End

A/N:  And that is that!  If only it were that simple.

Prompt: The brothers are hunting something (your choice) in and around a rocky mountain side. Sam saves both his brother and a civilian, but sadly falls in doing so. (can be into a raging river, steep incline, waterfall, your choice) He has to survive and get back to his brother. Show Sam's struggles to survive, but his awesomeness in being too stubborn to give up.

Comments

Page 1 of 2[1][2]
Posted by: i want to cause a ruckus (geminigrl11)
Posted at: August 16th, 2009 09:15 pm (UTC)

DEMONIC BUNNIES!!!!!!!! And you worked a yak in there, too. I know it!!

Only you, ME, can take all these elements and make something so complete and true and heartwrenching. Make Sam AWESOME and bring the brothers back together in a way we PINE for the show to. Would that things really were this simple. And Dean is PROUD of Sam! MEEP!

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: August 21st, 2009 07:12 pm (UTC)

I don't know why a prompt about Sam surviving nature automatically makes me write about DEMONIC BUNNIES. It wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't already written and posted a fic with demonic bunnies. I AM WEIRD.

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: August 21st, 2009 07:13 pm (UTC)

Posted by: leavingslowly (leavingslowly)
Posted at: August 17th, 2009 12:40 am (UTC)

Demonic woodland creatures is the best thing I've ever seen in a Supernatural fic. Hilarious.

This was such a good story I just don't even have words beyond "awesome."

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: August 21st, 2009 07:13 pm (UTC)
behold the limp

I'm not entirely sure how I got to the point where I was writing about demonic bunnies, but I'm glad you were entertained :)

Posted by: Nebula (authoressnebula)
Posted at: August 17th, 2009 01:20 am (UTC)
spn sam big damn hero

DEMONIC BUNNIES ZOMG. *coughs* I was so into the story and ohgod SAMMY and oh the man pain and then-

Demonic bunnies. Dean saying he didn't want to hunt the bunnies.

And I had to take a break from the story because I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe.

But this story was BEAUTIFUL. Oh my god this was fantastic!!! So much limp!Sam and angsty!Sam and guilty!Dean and there were so many points in this where I stopped and pointed and went, "YES. THIS." So many truths you exposed for both boys and Castiel.



~Nebula

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: August 21st, 2009 07:15 pm (UTC)
meta limp

LOL, yeah. Demonic bunnies. I can't even explain how that happened.

But I'm glad you liked it. There are a lot of emotions post S4 I want to see resolved. I'm not overly optimistic that the show will do it justice, so I'm doing it as best I can before canon rears its head.

Thanks!

Posted by: harrigan (harrigan)
Posted at: August 17th, 2009 03:09 am (UTC)
summer 2009 fic exchange

Which part is my favorite?

The way you so effectively portray how empty their lives are in the beginning, how Sam is no more than a shell, a shadow of himself?

Having Bobby tell Dean to "be good to him" just like he did in the episode, which triggered the same tears from me again?

Dean realizing that saving his brother (by making the crossroads deal) had a cost beyong his time in hell; it actually cost them the inherent love between them?

Dean realizing his purpose isn't something assigned by his father, or by the angels - it's something he chooses for himself?

Or the wonderful echo from the pilot - Sam saying that Dean doesn't need him, Dean can do this by himself, and Dean admitting "Yeah, but I don't want to." He wants Sam at his side.

Then. Now. Always.

I dunno. I guess I like it all *g*!

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: August 21st, 2009 07:17 pm (UTC)
more puppy

I really hope the show gives us a broken Sam--because, in my mind, I can't see him any other way. It's such a deep and fascinating brokenness, that it could be some of the best storytelling to date if they do it right.

Ultimately, I want these two to realize how similar they are. And that it's always been about family, even when it hurt and even when they screwed up. They need each other and they're better together than apart.

Always.

Thanks!

Posted by: supernaturalmommy (supernatrlmommy)
Posted at: August 17th, 2009 03:31 am (UTC)

Just stumbled upon this and read it in one go. Fantastic job, and if ONLY we could have some of the emotional fallout and the healing in the actual show. Because there is soooo much more to last season than Sam's fall and Dean's position as angel's warrior. I hated the way the emotional toll just kept going and going last season and I desperately hope for some resolution fast into Season 5. And if it could in any way resolve things like you have? That would just be the icing on the proverbial cake. Great job! ----Kat

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: August 21st, 2009 07:18 pm (UTC)
lost2

Aw, thanks! I've been horrible at keeping up with anything these days, but it's good to hear from you! And I'm glad you enjoyed the fic!

I have serious reservations about S5--but if the show can give us something of the boys recognizing how they both hurt each other and bring them together? I will be very happy.

Thanks!

Posted by: percysowner (percysowner)
Posted at: August 17th, 2009 10:46 am (UTC)

This was wonderful. I hope that when (if) the show resolves the relationship between Sam and Dean that Dean's part in the rift is not minimized. You did a great job of showing what I truly believe, that these are two flawed, good men who have both made terrible mistakes, often in the name of love for each other.

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: August 21st, 2009 07:19 pm (UTC)
after school limp

I'm not overly optimistic about S5 in any way, which is sort of why I've enjoyed playing with the boys before it starts and cements things I don't like :)

Thanks!

Posted by: debbiel66 (debbiel66)
Posted at: August 17th, 2009 05:21 pm (UTC)
Sam and Dean cloudy sky

Lovely story of atonement and of grace. I love Dean's slow growth into understanding and the way Sam needed his brother's forgiveness first before he could start forgiving himself. Thanks so much!

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: August 21st, 2009 07:20 pm (UTC)
earnest

I sort of hope that Dean's growth this season allows him to see past his own anger and realize that the damage Sam did was more to Sam himself than against Dean. Not that Dean shouldn't feel betrayed, but that Sam lost himself long before he ever turned his back on Dean. Sam's been falling apart for four seasons, and I just hope someone notices (with compassion) in S5.

Thanks!

Posted by: *Bright (starbright73)
Posted at: August 17th, 2009 08:06 pm (UTC)
Speculum animi

Demonic bunnies! Almost killed me! And Dea debating with Cas in the middle of it all. Hilarious!

Yet this story was inherently so very philosophically deving and sad, Finally, finally Dean is getting it. Some of the thruths he's denied for so long. He's finally looking at his own actions and motives from a mature POV. Sam did die at Cold Creek, not by the stab wound but by Dean's deal and his own failure to save his brother. And he keeps dying a long painful death with wevery failure he has to sustain.

Sam is incredibly strong in facing his own shortcomings. (And you're so right, kripke has made Sa seem invincible; he's tossed aroud and shot and cut and he stitches himself up!) Kripke better give me a explanation to why Sam is instantly fixed while normal people would have died many times over!

And then “Looks like we found each other, Sammy.” from your keyboards right to Kripke's script!

Wonderful story this is my Sammy! The hero in disguise; heroic in silence, without even knowing that what he does matters. Because it does.

Thank you for writing this.

Demonic bunnies! *g*

The artwork is just stunning!

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: August 21st, 2009 07:21 pm (UTC)
bloody hero

Demonic bunnies...I know :) Sometimes my mind is a weird place.

And Sam? Is the biggest hero I know--what he's endured, what he's had to face ALONE, and how he keeps GOING. Is epic. I wish someone around him would notice.

Thanks!

Posted by: Dani (pinkphoenix1985)
Posted at: August 17th, 2009 08:47 pm (UTC)

Faye- you just ripped my heart out and then stomped on it multiple times. This is my second read of the story and I sobbed both times while reading through the entire thing.

You most definitely caught the essense of how S4 ended and in what state everyone was in- Sam was painfully unSam-like and it didn't sit well with me as I guess you intended...

I liked that it was from Dean's POV but at times I thought that he was one of the angels so totally and utterly cruel to Sam especially while thinking about Sam's actions. I think of Dean as being a very black or white person and I also think that it makes him a suitable ally with the angels...I absolutely loved that Dean did come to realize that his sole purpose is to just be a brother.

Castiel- what can I say? your Castiel is the absolute role model for an angel but at times you made him human- I really liked that!

On a personal note- as much as it would kill me to see it played out- this needs to happen on the show but for a little while. I can only pray and hope that Kripke doesn't diminish Sam's role to a sidekick and allow him to come full circle ON SCREEN!!!!

Edited at 2009-08-17 08:49 pm (UTC)

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: August 21st, 2009 07:24 pm (UTC)
doe eyed

I have my issues with Dean right now, because of his implicit cruelty and his acceptance of angels who have also been overtly cruel and manipulative in regards to Sam. Sometimes I feel like Dean wants to outgrow his family, move beyond them, and while I do think he needs a better sense of his duty to his family, I would love for him to realize that it's not about being better than them or getting them to do what he wants, but that he needs to see them for who they are and accept them unconditionally. And find strength in THAT.

I'm very worried about S5...part of me would rather not watch, but I have no willpower. If Sam is the sidekick, he will still be my favorite part of the show, I don't doubt, because his depth and tragedy is so compelling.

Posted by: Dani (pinkphoenix1985)
Posted at: August 22nd, 2009 05:35 pm (UTC)

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: August 28th, 2009 07:59 pm (UTC)

Posted by: Dani (pinkphoenix1985)
Posted at: August 30th, 2009 06:06 pm (UTC)

Posted by: gidgetgal9 (gidgetgal9)
Posted at: August 17th, 2009 09:43 pm (UTC)
Don't Hurt The Puppy!

Oh wow Faye, Sam is awesome and this story is made of awesome.

Gosh, this coming season scares me- if it could all fall into place like you've written here, I'd be a happy girl!

Wonderful story! :0) Gidget

Posted by: gidgetgal9 (gidgetgal9)
Posted at: August 17th, 2009 09:46 pm (UTC)

I forgot to add that you're artist smth blue
did a beautiful job! :0)

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: August 21st, 2009 07:25 pm (UTC)

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: August 21st, 2009 07:25 pm (UTC)

Posted by: scullspeare (scullspeare)
Posted at: August 18th, 2009 06:17 am (UTC)

Beautifully written, as always. Wonderful exploration of Dean’s anger – and boy is he angry.

And Sam – wow. In the opening chapter, he’s so broken, it breaks my heart. But beneath the guilt and the hurt, there are glimpses of the old Sam – and when Dean realizes his brother stayed in the river searching for him, I smiled. Yes! Our boy’s in there somewhere.

Loved how Bobby was still the voice of reason in the brothers’ lives, and you really captured the cadence of Castiel’s speech and his droll sense of humour.

And then in the midst of all this gut-wrenching emotion, you throw in the Monty Python-esque, “But why the bunnies?” Dean said. “I don’t want to hunt bunnies.” *snort*

This was beautiful: “The story of Sam’s life. No matter what tragedy, no matter what pain, no matter what mistakes, Sam just survived. It was almost a cruel reality for his brother, to lose everyone and everything, including himself, and still not be spared anything.”

Great adventure sequence with the rockslide and lovely h/c as Dean, in danger of losing Sam, lets go of his anger and finally gets his priorities straight. “If Sam died right when they started being brothers again…” Nice - the flip side of the coin to In My Time of Dying.

And then there was a simple sentence which I hope becomes the theme of Season 5: “Maybe it was time to restore the balance.” Amen to that!

But my favourite line of all was Dean’s simple yet HUGE: “But I need you to know, that for me, for us, I trust you.” Hallelujah.

Lovely work

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: August 21st, 2009 07:28 pm (UTC)
skin limp lights

Honestly, I know Sam was the one who was more overtly "wrong" the entire season, but I have had a far easier time empathizing with him than I have Dean overall. In all of Sam's action, in his demon blood addiction and trust of Ruby and killing Lilth--I saw Sam desperately trying to do ANYTHING. After nearly four years of being almost completely impotent when it matters, I just felt like Sam had broken completely. Going after Lilith was his only coping mechanism. Even though Dean was the one breaking down over Hell (and rightfully so! I don't begrudge him that!), I think Sam was the one who was still completely lost. Dean was coping with issues and healing. Sam was just floundering. And no one saw it.

I want Dean to see it. Not in terms of how it affects HIM, but in terms of what Sam has lost and how little Sam has left to work with.

I'm rambling--sorry! There's just so much depth there, and I hope S5 deals with at least a little of it.

Thanks!

Posted by: dreamshadows (obuletfury302)
Posted at: August 18th, 2009 06:22 am (UTC)
padalecki smile - cherry sin

Ahahahaha!! Wildlife gone... well wild!

*g*

-=hugs you=-

This was awesome, wonderful, adorable, and just exactly what was needed!!!

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: August 21st, 2009 07:29 pm (UTC)
i have these nightmares

LOL! I'm glad the demonic wildlife wasn't TOO over the top :)

Thanks!

Posted by: MacByrne (macbyrne)
Posted at: August 20th, 2009 03:27 pm (UTC)

This was so heartbreaking; my chest aches for poor Sam and everything he was going through, and I can only imagine how bad it's going to be when S5 starts!! This was an incredibly angsty ride, I think you broke me!!! Fantastic job!

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: August 21st, 2009 07:30 pm (UTC)
speechless

Poor Sam indeed. What strikes me about his predicament is that he was falling apart so horribly and no one saw it--at least, not outside how it affected them. I so wanted someone to look at Sam and realize not that he's an arrogant jerk, but that he's a broken man who is barely holding on.

We'll have to see what S5 brings. I'm not totally looking forward to it.

Thanks!

Posted by: zippy02 (zippy02)
Posted at: August 21st, 2009 01:35 pm (UTC)

Faye this story was wonderful. It made me laugh and cry, but most of all root for our wonderful Sammy.

I have to admit, I found it really hard to read Dean's feelings towards Sam, especially in the beginning. I think they were brutally honest and real, but painful none the less. I guess I unfairly expect Dean to understand Sam the way I do. :)

Thanks for sharing this great story. I don't know how you do it. It is a gift I certainly don't have, which makes me all the more in awe of you. ~Shelby

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: August 21st, 2009 07:32 pm (UTC)
broken together

Sam is totally wonderful--and I'm glad that came across. I was worried I got too into Dean and that some people would take Dean's anger at face value and think he was totally right. I get why Dean will be angry, but honestly, I think if he had much compassion or understanding of what Sam's been through, he wouldn't hold it against Sam for long.

Not that I think that'll happen, but you know :)

And--you are too kind. I just ramble on paper and sometimes it turns into a story :)

Thanks!

Posted by: spoilerwolf (spoilerwolf)
Posted at: August 22nd, 2009 09:00 am (UTC)

Fantastic! What an awesome job you've done with this prompt, Faye! *huggles*

Though you were right not to 'fix' the boys, you started them on that road to try and work things out. Loved the L!S, loved the man!pain, (as someone called it) and the angst was through the roof!

Well done Faye. You should be very proud of yourself and I'm very happy with what you've done with the prompt :D

~ Jess.

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: August 26th, 2009 05:54 pm (UTC)
i have these nightmares

The boys had a lot to go through, I figured this was the most realistic outcome (even if I wanted them to hug!). All in all, I'm thrilled you liked it. I wanted it to be everything you dreamed of and more, and I was worried that it wouldn't be quite right since it was all Dean's POV. So I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for such a fun prompt to play with!

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