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Chaos fic: Adventures on One Wheel (Crack!)

May 3rd, 2012 (07:12 am)
Tags: , ,

feeling: lethargic

Title: Adventures on One Wheel

Disclaimer: I don’t own Chaos.

A/N: I never know if my attempts at humor are humorous, but this is the best thing I can find to post this morning. And for the record, these are the fault of moogsthewriter. Unbeta’ed!

Summary: “A unicycle?” he asks in utter disbelief.

Billy and the Unicycle, Take One

Rick’s never seen anything quite like it. He’s undercover as a janitor, and his part is supposed to be easy, but there’s nothing easy about this.

Michael and Casey are posing as patrons. Michael is carrying a brochure to the fair grounds and Casey is eating popcorn. It’s probably not good to stand together, but the sight before them is too hard to ignore.

“Isn’t the point of cover supposed to be inconspicuous?” Rick asks.

Michael frowns; Casey tilts his head.

“He is fitting in pretty well,” Michael says.

Casey gestures. “You can’t even tell he’s any different from the rest of them,” he says.

They all continue to watch. The crowd nearby erupts into cheers and children squeal in delight.

Rick nods. They have a point. But: “What if he never wants to come home?”

Michael considers this; it’s Casey’s turn to frown.

“Billy is devoted to his job,” Michael says.

“He’d get tired here eventually,” Casey says.

They all watch as Billy rides his unicycle across the stage. He’s surprisingly good at it and he’s all smiles as he lifts both his hands above his head and catches a beach ball bounced from a nearby seal.

“You sure?” Rick asks, suddenly dubious.

“Of course,” Casey returns.

Michael makes a face. “At least until we tell him that he’ll never get a unicycle through customs.”

Billy turns and spins impressively, somehow lifting the unicycle off the ground while everyone oohs and ahhs.

“Well, I don’t plan on being the one to tell him,” Rick says.

“Me neither,” Casey says. “I would never get between a man and his unicycle.”

They look at Rick.

Rick looks at Billy.

He looks back at Michael and Casey. “Do I have to?”

“If it makes you feel better, we’ll catch the drug lord,” Casey offers.

“And do the paperwork,” Michael says.

Billy somehow does a wheelie, which Rick doesn’t think is physically possible. He frowns, pouting as he pulls out his broom to start sweeping again. “And I still get the hard job.”

Michael pats him. “Perils of being the new guy.”

Rick gets back to work as Billy flies off a ramp and lands on the single wheel to the sounds of a cheering crowd.

Billy and the Unicycle, Take Two

Rick feels the panic building in his stomach and he looks at his watch. “We’ll never get there in time!”

Billy is only somewhat out of breath next to him. They’ve been running through the fair grounds, just having gotten a tip from their informant that the meet had been moved. “Not on foot, we won’t,” he agrees.

Rick stares helplessly down the street. “But if we don’t get there, then the deal will go down,” he says. “Michael and Casey will be dead.”

Billy is looking around, eyeing the surrounding area. “We can’t let that happen.”

“Maybe we can find a car,” Rick mutters.

Billy stops, a smile spreading across his face. “We don’t need one,” he says.

Rick protests, “But you just said we can’t make it on foot.”

“And we won’t go on foot,” Billy says, eyes gleaming.

Rick frowns, following Billy’s line of sight. He doesn’t see anything until Billy goes over to the wall of the storage shed and produces a bike.

Not a bike. Because there’s only one wheel and it’s huge and— “A unicycle?” he asks in utter disbelief.

Billy looks proud.

Rick’s mouth opens. “How does that help us?”

Billy is checking the tires, sizing it up. He looks nonplussed. “We need a mode of transportation, do we not?”

“But it’s a unicycle!” Rick says, as if that should be explanation enough.

“Exactly,” Billy says, smiling broadly as he gets on.

Somehow, the thing still works. Even more miraculously, Billy balances with ease. He looks down to Rick, reaching out a hand. “You coming?”

Rick stares.

“Come on, man!” Billy encourages. “Time is of the essence!”


Billy shakes his head, adamant as he peddles forward expertly. “Beggars can’t be choosers, son.”

“But how do you know how to ride one?” Rick manages to ask.

“I am a man of many unusual skills,” Billy says. “Plus, I may or may not have dated a girl in the circus during my time back in Scotland.” He pauses, eyes twinkling. “She was double jointed, too.”

Rick can only gape.

Billy peddles closer, scooping him up by the arm. Rick struggles to be hoisted gracefully onto the awkward machine.

“But—“ he tries to say.

The words are lost, though, as Billy peddles them forward, gaining speed as they ride in toward a victorious rescue.


Posted by: Moogs (moogsthewriter)
Posted at: May 3rd, 2012 02:52 pm (UTC)
Oceans - Reuben


I take ALL the blame with great pride, because seriously. Unicycles!

You're still the best. :D And the image of Rick and Billy riding in to the rescue on a unicycle is going to me amuse me all morning.

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: May 3rd, 2012 03:30 pm (UTC)
billy likes

I was scrounging for something to post that didn't require a lot of effort and found this and figured, eh, why not? Because somehow Billy on a unicycle just makes perfect sense to me!

I do enjoy your prompting. Because seriously, if not for you, who would love the unicycles!!!!!

Posted by: kristen_mara (kristen_mara)
Posted at: May 4th, 2012 12:46 am (UTC)

Billy and Unicycle - One True Pairing *G*

Love Casey's 'never get between a man and his unicycle' and their worry that he won't come home!

And hee to riding to the rescue

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: May 9th, 2012 12:49 pm (UTC)
billy content

Heh, I'm pretty sure Billy could attract even inanimate objects.

Whenever I try to write humor, I mostly just write weird, so I'm glad people still find it vaguely entertaining :)


Posted by: nietie (nietie)
Posted at: May 4th, 2012 07:14 am (UTC)


He may or may not have date a (double jointed!) girl in the circus during my time back in Scotland. That's our Billy! *vbg*

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: May 9th, 2012 12:49 pm (UTC)
billy earnest

I'm sure Billy has a wealth of interesting experiences in his past. If only we'd gotten to know more of them. Alas, I guess that's all for fic now!


Posted by: x_tremelylost (x_tremelylost)
Posted at: May 5th, 2012 07:44 pm (UTC)

"The words are lost, though, as Billy peddles them forward, gaining speed as they ride in toward a victorious rescue."

;D pure poetry!!!!!, don´t you just want to see that scene?, or any kind of visuals, drawings, manips whatever?

I super enjoy it!, thanks!

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: May 9th, 2012 12:50 pm (UTC)
chaos team moves

At this point, I'd be happy to see any scene/drawing/etc of this team! I so miss them!

Thanks :)

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