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Chaos fic: Five Pranks Casey Pulled 1/1

November 1st, 2011 (07:54 am)
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Title: Five Pranks Casey Pulled (And One He Didn’t)

Disclaimer: Not mine.

A/N: eviinsanemonkey suggest Casey playing pranks. I’m not the pranking type so I hope I pulled this off :) moogsthewriter gave this a read through. Mistakes that remain are my own.

Summary:  Casey likes to think his pranks still offer some kind of trial by fire, and that his bemusement in the aftermath is merely a plus.


1.  Michael

No one expects it from Casey.

He’s only been on the team a few months, and in that time, he’s shown virtually no interest in socializing or even being friendly.  He comes to work, sits at his desk, goes on missions, and leaves it at that.  So when Michael’s lunches start disappearing from the fridge, everyone looks at Simms instead.

“It wasn’t me!” Simms protests in true melodramatic fashion.  He’s adamant, which just convinces Michael more of his guilt.

The rivalry that develops between the two culminates with Simms’ furniture being bolted to the ceiling one day, an act Michael chuckles at but insists he didn’t do, and the two are nearly ready to implode when Higgins calls them both into his office and tells them to sort it out.

At his desk, Casey sits back and enjoys Michael’s yogurt, closing his desk door where he hides his bolts and rope, just in case.

2. Simms

Simms has it coming.

Ever since Casey’s joined the team, the man has been all over him.  He’s always trying to make small talk, to eat lunch with him, to be friends.  This annoys Casey as much as it intrigues him; the idea of companionship for the sake of companionship is foreign to him, and he’d write it off all together if it didn’t seem to reap real dividends in the field.

Still, benefits aside, it’s not something Casey is used to, which is why instead of inviting Simms out for a drink, Casey spikes his coffee with a laxative and watches in bemusement as Carson struggles through the all-day mandatory meeting with Higgins.

On break, Carson is sweating and exhausted when Casey walks up to him.  “Feeling okay?” he asks.

Carson barks a laugh.  “I must have eaten something, man,” he say, running a hand through his hair.  “I feel like my intestines are twisting into knots or something!”

Casey lifts one eyebrow.  “Maybe that’s just a side effect of profuse socialization.”

Carson looks at him, then really looks at him.  “You son of a bitch!” he says.  “What did you do?”

Casey shrugs.  “What’s a little laxative between friends?”

Carson looks ready to protest, but his face pales and he runs to the bathroom instead.  That night, after work, Casey says he’s getting a drink and if Carson follows, it’s entirely coincidence.

3.  Billy

By the time Billy comes along, Casey is more open to the idea of partnership, but the Scot certainly tests his boundaries.  Whereas Simms was always easily friendly, Billy is damn near insistent on violating all of Casey’s carefully constructed boundaries.

He’s always talking and touching, observing and commenting until Casey wants to go crazy.

So Casey feels totally justified when he sets Billy up with Crystal in Amsterdam and tells him she’s an asset he must turn at any cost, he feels like it’s entirely fair.

In the van, listening to Billy’s comm, Carson and Michael come back from dinner and are surprised.

“You’re actually trusting Collins with this?” Michael asks.

“Wait,” Carson says with sudden understanding.  “Who is your contact?”

Casey shrugs, nonchalant.  “Crystal.”

Michael inclines his head.  “You set him up with Crystal?”

Carson is more apoplectic.  “There’s hazing and then there’s cruel and unusual treatment,” he says.  “I mean, Crystal?  Hasn’t the kid been through enough?”

Casey is nonplussed.  “Given the amount of inane conversation he’s put me through, this seems more than appropriate.”

If they disagree, it’s too late now, and they all listen over the comm and Billy sweet talks his way into impending disaster.

In Crystal’s room, there’s talk of getting comfortable and lingerie and after a few moments of what they can only assume is intimate relations, Billy inhales suddenly and says, “Why, Crystal, I do believe you are ironically named.”

“What do you mean?” Crystal coos back.

“Well, your outward appearance offers no crystal clear discernment of what’s beneath,” he says with surprising ease.

“Is that a problem?” she asks.  “Or do you just need a little convincing?”

With that, Billy’s comm goes out.

Carson is anxious.  “Shouldn’t we go get him?”

“He’s fine,” Casey says.

“We need the intel,” Michael points out.

“But it’s Crystal!” Carson says.  “That man-woman will eat him alive!”

“It’s sink or swim,” Casey concludes plainly.  “And it’s time to see what Operative Collins is really made of.”

The next morning, Billy shows up at the van with coffees all around and a smile.  “Good night?” Casey asks with a mischievous smirk.

Billy grins back.  “It was certainly full of surprises.”

And for once, Billy doesn’t feel the need to explain, and it’s in these unspoken words that Casey thinks maybe there’s something more to Collins after all.

4.  Rick

Rick is almost too easy.  At this point, it’s just for fun, although Casey would never admit that.  He likes to think his pranks still offer some kind of trial by fire, and that his bemusement in the aftermath is merely a plus.

With Rick, he keeps it simple.  The shoe box is easy to place in the back of Rick’s car and even if he has to get up in the middle of the night and pick the locks on Rick’s car to plant it, Casey figures it’ll be worth it.

He gets to work early, sits in the parking lot drinking a cup of coffee, watching while Rick pulls up.

As the guard leaps in alarm, and pulls Rick from the car whereupon he is pounced, stripped, and frisked, Casey thinks it’s more than worth it.

And the priceless look of horror on Rick’s face as the package is exploded on a small, grassy knoll wherein an assortment of underwear is flung about is just the cherry on top.

5.  Higgins

He takes his time with Higgins.

Really, it’s a prank years in the making.  It’s required serious intel about the layout of the director’s office and insight into his daily routines and technological preferences.  It takes Casey multiple favors with IT to acquire the equipment he needs, and he knows he’ll have limited time to execute the plan.  More than that, if he’s caught, he could very well lose his job.

But Casey won’t get caught.

And really, even if he does, the random shut down of the director’s lights and the ill-timed reboots of his computer are certainly worth the risk.  After all, he’s never seen the director so angry, especially when the man tries to call in support and his phone automatically calls out to a pizza place in Utah instead.

Higgins is yelling, demanding answers and fixes, and Casey walks back to his office in total contentment of another job well done.

And One He Didn’t

Casey trusts his team, so he doesn’t think twice when Michael says they need his fighting expertise on a local meeting with a potential asset.

“And why do we need muscle?” Casey asks as they drive.

In the front, Michael doesn’t flinch.  “He’s fully guarded by Chinese security,” he says.  “We need to take care of them--and quietly--before we can snatch our mark.”

“It requires skill and precision,” Billy says from the driver’s seat.  “Which is why, of course, we volunteered you for the job.”

“It’s essential we get this asset,” Rick interjects from next to him.

They’ve talked it up so much that by the time Casey gets into position in the alleyway outside of the capitol, he’s practically vibrating in anticipation.  His team is pulled back for support and Casey ventures onward in taut expectancy.  He mentally prepares himself, clearing his mind and focusing his energies for success.  He rolls his muscles, cracks his neck, and waits as footsteps come around the corner.

Arms up, he’s ready to pounce.

And then he sees the little girl.

She’s walking a puppy.  She blinks up at him.  “Are you my contact?” she asks.

Casey stares.  “I think there’s been a mistake.”

She frowned, eyes widening.  “But I was told you could protect my puppy,” she says.  “That you were the best.”

Casey stares some more.  

And then he understands.

Understands the girl and her wide eyes.  Understands the puppy and her plaintive pleas.  Understands why his team psyched him out for this.

He sighs, hands dropping.  “I am the best,” he says.  “You and your dog will be entirely safe while in my custody.”

“Good,” the girl says brightly.  “Because I have to walk him back home!”

Casey accepts this, endures it as the girl takes his hand and leads him through the streets during the morning rush hour.  Endures it as she hugs him at her doorway, endures it as her mother thanks him, endures it all the way back to the car where his teammates have been following him.

“That’s clever,” Casey says, nodding slowly.  “Very clever.”

“Thank you,” Billy says.  “We have learned from the master.”

“And it’s not like you didn’t have it coming,” Rick points out.

Casey inclines his head.  “Turnabout is always fair play,” he agrees.  Then he takes a breath, collecting himself.  “Which is why I’m giving you ample warning.  If you don’t start driving away in exactly five seconds, I will apprehend all of you and leave you tied up and indisposed in compromising positions throughout the Agency’s hallways.”

For a second, they stare.

“He’s joking, right?” Rick asks.

Billy makes a face, shakes his head.  “I don’t think so, lad.”

“No,” Michael agrees.  “Definitely not.”

Without further preamble, Billy puts the car in gear and screeches away.  Smirking, Casey starts the long walk back, planning the entire way.


Posted by: Evil Insane Monkey (eviinsanemonkey)
Posted at: November 1st, 2011 02:43 pm (UTC)

oh, I love this.

(feel free to prompt!)

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: November 1st, 2011 02:53 pm (UTC)
CHAOS team

I'm glad :) I feel like it's painfully clear how few pranks I've played in my life after this, though.

(I've got the song "I'll Stand By You" by the Pretenders in my head this AM, so maybe something team-centric around that. Or it could be team members of your choosing. I'm not picky.)

Posted by: Evil Insane Monkey (eviinsanemonkey)
Posted at: November 2nd, 2011 12:58 pm (UTC)

(My mind keeps turning to Casey/Billy angst, is that okay?)

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: November 2nd, 2011 01:05 pm (UTC)
billy considers

(You can't fight the muse. The lighter it is, though, the more I'll like it :)

Posted by: Evil Insane Monkey (eviinsanemonkey)
Posted at: November 16th, 2012 07:35 pm (UTC)

Part one!

Part two is written, I just have to type it. I want to get a little more of part three written first. Hope you like it!

Posted by: blackdog_lz (blackdog_lz)
Posted at: November 2nd, 2011 07:33 am (UTC)

The pranks are great. They are sublte and mean and totally Casey :)
(And I'd totally gush more, if I had the time :))

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: November 3rd, 2011 12:22 pm (UTC)
billy approves

I'm glad they worked! I'm really not the pranking type so I had no idea :) Thanks!

Posted by: Cathy (huntersglenn)
Posted at: November 2nd, 2011 10:01 pm (UTC)

Such wonderful pranks. Not sure which one I liked the best though, the phone call to Utah or the little girl and her puppy! Then again, Crystal might just be the best one of them all!

Thanks for sharing.

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: November 3rd, 2011 12:22 pm (UTC)
billy guitar

Thank you! I'm glad it was an enjoyable read :)

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