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do i dare or do i dare? [userpic]

Chaos fic: Featherweight

July 16th, 2011 (03:33 pm)
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Title:  Featherweight

Disclaimer:  Not mine.

A/N:  farad  provided me with a whole list of prompts (since apparently I should totally be writing more).  This fic is based on:  Team - how to kill someone with a feather.  This fic is unbeta’ed, so forgive the typos.  I hope the guys aren’t too OOC but this got sort of silly :)

Summary:  The object of the activity is to pick a weapon with which to defend yourself from an oncoming surge of terrorists.

-o-

“Okay,” Blank says, dumping the box out on the table.  “The object of the activity is to pick a weapon with which to defend yourself from an oncoming surge of terrorists.”

The team looks at the pile, then back at Blank.  Michael show no expression.  Casey is scowling more than usual.  Even Billy seems unduly perplexed.  Rick is almost gaping.

It’s Rick who finally speaks.  “And why are we doing this?”

Blank blinks sincerely.  “I told you,” he says.  “To fend off oncoming terrorists.”

Rick stares for another moment.

“I think what my young friend is asking is not about the scenario you’ve outlined--which is clever, I grant you that,” Billy interjects, “but rather, what purpose this serves on our supposed day of agency-wide training.”

“In other words, how does this qualify as on the job training,” Casey snaps.

Blank’s eyes go wide.  “Oh, yes,” he says.  “I see your point.  Well.  Let me assure you, the curriculum in my course has been thoroughly reviewed and approved by Director Higgins.”

A moment of silence passes.  “Then why are we the only ones here?” Michael asks.

Blank frowns and starts hedging, scratching at the back of his neck.  “Well, the director thought it might be best to offer a variety of training opportunities for operatives to choose from.”

The words hang awkwardly for another long beat.

“We never got to choose,” Rick says.

Casey’s eyes narrow.  Billy straightens a little.  Michael inclines his head.

“I believe the Director thought that the ODS would benefit from my unique training expertise,” Blank tries to explain.

“Basically, you stole our memos about the other training options,” Casey concludes.

Billy tsks his tongue.  “I believe messing with inter-office memos is a direct violation of CIA protocol.”

“It may even classify as a security threat,” Michael says, crossing his arms over his chest.

“No, no, no,” Blank says.  “I mean, maybe.  But I promise you, my training will not let you down.”

None of them are convinced.

Blank looks desperate.  “And I’ll give you all full marks and provide lunch,” he offers.

The team remains stoic.

“With drinks after work.”

Billy shrugs, his posture easing slightly.  “I suppose our skill set could use some sharpening.”

“A half day of sharpening,” Casey says pointedly.

“And definitely with drinks afterward,” Michael insists.

Blank smiles broadly, clapping his hands together.  “Wonderful!” he says.  “Now, like I was saying, each of you must choose one item from the table by which to defend yourself.  Choose well, because you will asked to justify your choice to the rest of the group.”

The team watches him carefully, not protesting but still not convinced.

“Okay,” Blank says, looking positively giddy.  “Go!”

It’s a quick and surprisingly efficient process.  The table is well stocked--with everything from guns to knives to household supplies--and within five seconds, each member has chosen an item.

“Fantastic,” Blank says.  “Now, Operative Martinez, perhaps you would like to start.”

Rick nods and looks at his item.  It’s a knife, not too long and not too short.  He holds it up.  “It’s simple but effective,” he says.  “It’s not perfectly ideal for long range combat, but it’s going to hold up better in close quarters.  Unlike a gun, it can’t run out of ammunition, which is necessary if there is an especially large grouping of terrorists.  It’s also very effective, with a single swipe or stab able to kill and or incapacitate an attacker.”

Blank nods.  “Very logical, Operative Martinez,” he says with ringing approval.  “I’m sure you’d fend them all off successfully.”

Rick preens ever so slightly.

“Operative Collins,” Blank continues, “how about you?”

Billy brightens a bit, holding up his item with nothing short of real pride.

Rick frowns.  “It’s a jump rope.”

Billy nods enthusiastically.  “Aye, that it is.”

“Okay, Operative Collins,” Blank says with patience.  “Why did you select a jump rope?”

“Well, I prefer not to think of it as a mere jump rope,” he says.  “But as a multi purpose tool of self defense and survival.”

“And how’s that?” Rick prompts.

“Well,” Billy begins.  “First, it can be used to stage any number of quiet interventions.  I’d start by setting up various booby traps.  Tripping up as many as I can and subduing them.  This way, I can even the playing field before they even realize that they’re being attacked.  Then, if I am unable to incapacitate my attackers through less aggressive means, I would turn my efforts to a full on offensive, in which case the rope is very effective as a garrote, which can of course kill individuals before they even have a chance to make a sound.  All together, I would be able to fully subdue the oncoming surge without drawing attention to myself or risking too much extraneous gun play.”

Blank looks impressed.  “Very creative, Operative Collins,” he says. 

Billy looks at Rick, lifting his chin proudly.

“How about you, Operative Dorset?” Blank asks.

Michael holds up his gun.  It’s a simple Glock.  “The choice of weapon is a secondary concern,” he says.  “If I properly predict that attack formation and set up enough decoys, I should be able to exit with most of my clip still in place.  The idea of espionage is to work undercover, and that would be my primary concern while extricating myself from the situation.”

“A smart answer, Operative Dorset,” Blank says. 

With a cool look at his teammates, Michael shrugs slightly.

Then, Blank turns to Casey.  “Operative Malick, I don’t see your weapon of choice.”

Casey looks bored.  “It’s right here,” he says, holding up a single feather.

Rick snorts.  “What are you going to do with a feather?  Tickle them to death?”

Casey glares at him.  “No,” he says, “because that would be ridiculous.”

“So, please, explain to us, Operative Malick,” Blank says with total control.  “How would you use a feather to subdue your opponents?”

Casey shrugs.  “Simple,” he says.  “I’d drop it in front of them.”

They all look at him.

“And while they’re watching the feather fall, I would use their momentary distraction to take each one out, one by one, until I’m clear of the danger.”

Rick gapes.  Billy laughs.  Michael shakes his head.

Blank closes his mouth.  “Very inventive,” he says, brow furrowed.  “Though I’m not sure I can see it working on a broad scale.”

“It would be impressive,” Billy says.  “Even for you.”

“And perhaps not the most practical approach,” Michael says.

“And just silly,” Rick says, matter of fact.

Casey tilts his head, eyes gleaming.  “Would you like to see a demonstration?”

Blank nods.  “Well, I can’t see why not--”

Rick’s still too amused to do anything and Blank hardly knows what’s going on, but Billy and Michael lunge forward.  It’s too late, though.  Casey has already dropped the feather.  As it wafts to the floor, they all watch it helplessly as Casey pounces.

A short time later, Blank is tied to a chair and Rick is locked in a file cabinet.  Billy and Michael are bound back to back.  Blank can only nod.  “I see your point,” he says, looking at Casey, who is standing in front of them.  “I think this definitely warrants top marks for all of you.”

Casey is smug.  He carefully goes about his business, gathering his things.

“I do believe you have made your point,” Billy interjects.  “So, may I suggest that this would be an appropriate time to untie us.”

Casey just looks at them, cold and calculating.

“Casey,” Michael warns.

“Consider this my lesson to you,” Casey says.  “Figure your way out of this and meet me for in time for lunch and I’ll buy.”

With that, he leaves.

Rick pounds from the interior of the cabinet.  “He’s not serious, is it?” he calls, voice muffled and tinny.

Michael sighs.  “Oh, he’s serious.”

“In true Casey Malick fashion,” Billy agrees grimly.

“Then this is our final exam,” Blank says brightly, taken by the genius of his own revelation.  “Come on, men.  Look alive, look alive!  We can do this!  Top grade for the first one to get free!”

Several hours later, Casey enjoys his lunch alone, grinning in satisfaction the entire time.

Comments

Posted by: Evil Insane Monkey (eviinsanemonkey)
Posted at: July 16th, 2011 08:49 pm (UTC)

This is glorious.
Oh, Casey, I love you.

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: July 17th, 2011 12:18 pm (UTC)
billy earnest

Casey really does win, doesn't he?

Thanks!

Posted by: lukadreaming (lukadreaming)
Posted at: July 16th, 2011 08:51 pm (UTC)
Billy yay

ROFL! Loads of fun - and definitely in character. Great dialogue as well!

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: July 17th, 2011 12:18 pm (UTC)
billy watches

I'm glad it amused you! Thanks :)

Posted by: blackdog_lz (blackdog_lz)
Posted at: July 16th, 2011 09:09 pm (UTC)

Oh, that was just great :) Casey is such a mean machine and I like how the rest can be deadly as well, even though most of the time they just seem so friendly and harmless.

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: July 17th, 2011 12:18 pm (UTC)
chaos team 2

Yeah, Casey's the one to know you should watch for but they're all capable of destruction when they make that choice :)

Thanks!

Posted by: fara (farad)
Posted at: July 16th, 2011 09:23 pm (UTC)

Excellent!!! I love it - especially Casey's very pleasant lunch alone! *g*

Nicely done! And the use of the various weapons was very well thought-out! Thank you!!

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: July 17th, 2011 12:19 pm (UTC)
chaos group

I'm glad you liked it. It turned out a bit cracky but hopefully still a fun read :) I'll be sure to keep referring to your list for more ideas.

Thanks!

Posted by: nietie (nietie)
Posted at: July 17th, 2011 12:04 pm (UTC)
Chaosketeers

Very impressive!

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: July 17th, 2011 12:20 pm (UTC)
billy likes

Thanks :)

Posted by: Ala (ohioala19)
Posted at: July 17th, 2011 02:23 pm (UTC)

Haha! Fantastic! All the characters just felt spot on, I loved this!

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: July 18th, 2011 01:29 pm (UTC)
CHAOS team

I'm glad they still seemed in character :) Thanks!

Posted by: Average Girl Extraordinaire (legsi003)
Posted at: July 19th, 2011 02:12 am (UTC)

LOL! The ending made me chuckle profusely! Of course Casey would take revenge on anyone who wastes his time. <3

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: July 19th, 2011 02:28 am (UTC)
casey general dislike

I sort of love Casey for his human weapon ways :)

Thanks!

Posted by: ((Anonymous))
Posted at: October 29th, 2011 10:46 pm (UTC)

Kristen_Mara suggested I check out your Chaos fic, since she has recently introduced me to the wonders of Chaos (not that my life wasn't chaotic enough already!) and this is just brilliant! I can even picture Casey's very slight smirk as he leaves them in the lurch and heads off to lunch. I will definately be exploring your work in much greater detail!

Ngaire

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