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SPN Fic: Someone to Believe 1/1

September 18th, 2010 (08:58 pm)

Title:  Someone to Believe

Disclaimer:  Not mine.

A/N:  My entry for “Point of No Return” on the summer_sam_love Celebration.  A quick beta by sendintheklowns , who took time from her busy and stressful weekend for me :) 

Summary:  Sam’s sitting outside the panic room and he’s trying to find a way to keep Dean from saying yes.

-o-

Sam knows that Dean’s going to say yes.

Sam’s sitting outside the panic room and he’s trying to find a way to keep Dean from saying yes.

Dean’s sitting inside the panic room and he’s trying to find a way out so he can say yes.

Sam’s been there, only he wasn’t just going to say yes.  He was going to say yes, and I’m going to save you all, and you don’t know what I can do, and I’ll do anything for what I need.  Sam was out of his mind, crawling in his own skin, hallucinating and dying and screaming to find something sane again.

Dean’s got his wits about him--almost scarily so.  Dean’s completely lucid, completely sane, completely uninhibited, and he still wants out so he can sell his soul to Michael.

They both were willing to give it all away, go against everything and everyone, in one last desperate attempt to get it right.

Funny thing, they both thought they were going to save the world

Sam was wrong.

He knows Dean is, too.

They’re humans.  Chosen vessels and all that, but human all the same.  They can’t control the comings and goings of demons and angels, but they can control themselves.  The minute they say yes, the minute they give up control, they take themselves out of the equation entirely.

Sam’s learned this the hard way, but he knows Dean knows it, too.  Dean knows it, because he’s the one who locked Sam up the first time.  He’s the one who started Team Free Will in all its glory.

Dean knows it, but he can’t bring himself to believe it now.

Sam understands that.  He really does.  He understands despair.  He understands the emptiness that can consume you from the inside out.  He understands what it feels like to have nothing left to give except everything.  He understands how easy it is to feel like you’re drowning in your own mind.

Sam’s been there.  And they’re all mistakes Sam has made.

Dean’s mistake probably won’t end the world, but it’ll kill a lot of people.  It’s still a compromise and if Sam knows anything from the last two years, it’s that compromises never work.

Inside the panic room, Dean’s quiet, at least.  Sam taken more than his share of turns at watch; sometimes at the top of the stairs, head leaned against the railing; sometimes at Bobby’s kitchen table with his fingers tight around a cup of coffee he doesn’t drink.

Right now, he’s seated with his legs curled against his chest, right outside the door, and he strains to hear the subtle shifting of his brother on the bed.  He misses Dean, and even though his brother is just beyond the solid metal walls, it feels like they’ve been apart for years.

Sam sighs, looking up at the dark ceiling in Bobby’s basement.  Dean’s been the only thing keeping him going.  Dean saved his life (and his soul).  Dean took him back when Sam had no one else to turn to.  Dean trusted him when Sam couldn’t even trust himself.  Sam’s not sure if Dean’s completely forgiven him yet, but he still loves Sam.

He loves Sam.

And that’s changed everything.

When Sam was alone in Oklahoma with the Devil breathing down his back, one phone call from Dean turned his despair to hope.  When Sam was drugged up and restrained in a mental institution, Dean came back for him and helped him turn his grief into action.  When Sam died in an abandoned cabin with his mother and father and woke up back in a motel room, Dean poured him a stiff drink and turned Sam’s doubts into conviction.

Sam knows why he hasn’t said yes to Lucifer, and he knows it doesn’t have much to do with how strong he is or how determined he is.  It has everything to do with Dean still by his side.

Sam knows why he said yes to Ruby a year ago, and he knows it wasn’t just the demon blood or his desire to save the world.  It had a lot to do with losing Dean’s faith and thinking that he had nothing left to lose.

Belief changes everything.  Faith can reshape the world.

He can’t believe in angels.  He can’t have faith in God.  But he can give everything he has left to his brother.

He believes in Dean.  He has faith in Dean. 

Collecting a breath, Sam knows his decision is made.  He knows that Bobby disagrees, but this isn’t Bobby’s decision.  This is Sam’s decision and for once in his life, he’s going to make the right one.  Because this isn’t about him.  This isn’t even about the end of the world.  It’s certainly not about Michael and Lucifer.

This is about Dean.

This is about Dean and Sam.

Big brothers and little brothers.

Getting to his feet, Sam undoes the latch.  He doesn’t think about the things Dean has said to him.  He doesn’t think about the sound of the amulet in the trash can.  He doesn’t think about his brother’s admission that he thinks Sam will say yes.

Sam just thinks about Dean.  Thinks about how he knows Dean will do the right thing.  Thinks about how to believe, after all this time, in something bigger, more important than himself.

One person can’t change the world.  But one person can believe enough to make it happen.  Belief is contagious, just as much as despair is.  Sam knows how hard it is to keep on when everyone thinks you’ll do it wrong.

He doesn’t wish that on his brother.  Not with the stakes this high, not with what his brother has been through.

Sam’s fingers close on the handle, turning it.  The door squeaks on its hinges, moving stiffly in the wet basement air.

He thinks maybe he should be nervous.  Maybe he should be uncertain.  But for the first time in a long time, Sam is perfectly aware of what he’s doing and perfectly sure that it’s the right thing.

Because one person can’t change the world.  But belief is contagious and Sam doesn’t have to convince Dean to say no.  He just has to convince Dean that he’s better than this, that he’s stronger than this, that Sam will always believe in him, always be there for him, always love him, no matter what.

Yes or no.  End of the world or victory at last.  Sam believes in Dean. 

And nothing will ever change that.

Comments

Posted by: greeneyes_fan (greeneyes_fan)
Posted at: September 19th, 2010 02:36 am (UTC)

Oh, hell yeah. This was the turning point of Season 5, this right here, and you TOTALLY nailed it.

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: September 28th, 2010 01:21 am (UTC)
dork

And it was a good turning point. I needed that :)

Thanks!

Posted by: borgmama1of5 (borgmama1of5)
Posted at: September 19th, 2010 03:18 am (UTC)

Nice view of Sam's thoughts at that critical moment.

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: September 28th, 2010 01:21 am (UTC)
breathless

Thanks!

Posted by: harrigan (harrigan)
Posted at: September 19th, 2010 03:19 am (UTC)

This is Sam’s decision and for once in his life, he’s going to make the right one. Because this isn’t about him. This isn’t even about the end of the world. It’s certainly not about Michael and Lucifer.

This is about Dean.


Sam believes in Dean.

In the end, that meant everything. Because it took that for Dean to find the faith to believe in Sam. And it took that to save the world.

Darn you for making me all wibbly again!

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: September 28th, 2010 01:22 am (UTC)
broken together

I so loved that the major factor was Sam's belief in Dean and then, in turn, Dean's belief in Sam. It made so much feel right again.

Thanks!

Posted by: CeCe Away (cece_away)
Posted at: September 19th, 2010 03:21 pm (UTC)
sam & dean criss angel

Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. You narrowed it all down to one single finite point. Sam's faith in Dean.

Way to get to the core of the matter.

Oh, and I loved this line, among many in here: He understands what it feels like to have nothing left to give except everything.

Can't say more without going totally into gush mode. Excellent writing.

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: September 28th, 2010 01:23 am (UTC)
lost innocence

I absolutely loved that Sam's love made the difference (and then, later, Dean's love did the same for Sam). I'm so glad you liked it :)

Thanks!

(Deleted comment)
Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: September 28th, 2010 01:23 am (UTC)
christmas awe

I was so glad that the show brought it back to that. That was what I missed from S4 and I so loved that it came back in S5.

Thanks!

Posted by: dtwilight (dtwilight)
Posted at: September 20th, 2010 05:28 am (UTC)
Sam

Aww...I loved this Faye! You did a great job of showing Sam's faith and conviction that no matter what, Dean would do the right thing because Sam believed in him. Thank you sooo, so much for hosting this celebration with your co mods and allowing all of us to enjoy :) I truely had the best time getting my feet wet in this new fandom and appreciate the warm welcome.

Looking forward to more Sam goodness!

Dawn (Twilight)

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: September 28th, 2010 01:24 am (UTC)
the things I'd do

I'm just glad so many people enjoyed participating. That made it worthwhile :)

Thanks!

Posted by: Gwendolyn D (gwendolynd)
Posted at: September 21st, 2010 11:55 am (UTC)

You did a great job! Feelings are difficult to nail down, I find, but you did an amazing job. It was rather wonderful how there was no dialogue. Great job hon!!

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: September 28th, 2010 01:24 am (UTC)
broken sam

I rather enjoy writing introspective fic sometimes. I can never tell if it's interesting for others, but I like getting in a character's head.

Thanks!

Posted by: sendintheclowns (sendintheklowns)
Posted at: September 23rd, 2010 01:10 am (UTC)

Sam believed in Dean and that belief finally paid off when Dean returned it--you do a fantastic job of walking us through Sam's thoughts and feelings.

You rock :)

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: September 28th, 2010 01:25 am (UTC)
pretty sam s5

I only rock because you rock. I hardly have any sanity left to rock on my own.

Thanks!

Posted by: Dani (pinkphoenix1985)
Posted at: September 30th, 2010 01:16 pm (UTC)

This is awesome! Sam needed to believe/trust in Dean just as in 5x22 Dean needed to believe/trust in Sam.

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: October 13th, 2010 03:59 am (UTC)
the things I'd do

I did love that element of S5. That's why it felt like good closure overall :)

Thanks!

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