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do i dare or do i dare? [userpic]

Primeval ficlet: Reasons to Live (1/1)

May 6th, 2013 (02:23 pm)
productive
Tags: , ,

feeling: productive

Title: Reasons to Live

Disclaimer: I do not own Primeval.

A/N: For nietie on her birthday :) I hope it was a good day! Thanks to lena7142 for the super fast beta!

Summary: Dying is easier.



-o-

On the ground, Stephen blinks. It takes him a few moments to realize he’s not dead.

He should be, though. By all accounts, there’s no way he should have survived. He’d locked himself in a room of predators, after all. He can still remember the way they’d charged, how they’d taken turns at him, nipping and biting, taking bit after bit...

His stomach churns, and he swallows, closing his eyes again. Pain starts to course through his system, the sheer intensity making it impossible to sort one ache from the next. He’s been eaten alive, he knows. Parts are missing that he’ll never get back.

And he’s not just talking about his body.

He can feel the tears leaking, hot and salty from his eyelids. He just squeezes his eyes shut tighter, and waits for the inevitable end.

But instead of darkness, instead of pain, he finds himself being lifted. He’s drawn up and cushioned, and the rough hands that brush against his face are closer to heaven than Stephen thinks he deserves.

“Stephen,” the voice says, begs. “Open your eyes.”

Stephen’s broken too many promises; he’s betrayed too many friends; he can’t do it anymore. His eyes flutter open, and settle on Cutter’s face.

“Nick,” he breathes, chest hitching with the effort. He convulses a little, trembling even as Cutter’s arms wrap around him tighter.

Cutter smiles. It’s a wavering expression, and his eyes are red. “You just have to hold on,” he says. “Help’s coming.”

Stephen finds that his throat doesn’t work and the world is fraying around the edges. The only thing that he can see is Cutter; the only thing he can feel is the other man’s arms. He wants to apologize -- not just for this, but for everything. He wants to tell Cutter he was a stupid kid and that he’s regretted it every day since. He wants to tell Cutter that he didn’t lock himself in a room full of predators as penance; he did it because Cutter’s already suffered too much on his account.

That’s the difference between suicide and selflessness. Stephen thinks he committed both, perhaps, and he wants to apologize for that, too.

He can’t, though. His heart is starting to stutter; his lungs seem to labor uselessly. There’s something coppery in his throat, and it takes all the strength he has to say, “I’m sorry.”

It’s not enough, but it’s something.

Nick’s face hardens. “Apology not accepted,” he says.

Stephen’s brow creases in distress.

“You still have to make it up to me,” Cutter says stubbornly. “You have to make everything up to me. It may take months. Years. Hell, the rest of our lives. But you have to make it up to me.”

Stephen doesn’t know what to say; doesn’t know what to do.

Cutter hoists him closer, face resolved even as tears start to fall. “So you’re just going to have to live, okay?” he says. “You have to live.”

Stephen’s ready to die. He doesn’t want to face the aftermath of this. He doesn’t want to know the extent of his injuries; he doesn’t want to know what else Helen lied about. He doesn’t want to face Abby or Connor; he doesn’t want to incur Lester’s wrath or endure the humiliation of the truth.

Dying is easier.

But for Cutter.

He swallows, sucking in a shaky breath. He nods, ever so slightly. Words are beyond him now, and he has to save what little he has left. Because he needs to fight, for Cutter.

For Cutter, he needs to live.

Comments

Page 1 of 2[1][2]
Posted by: sophie_deangirl (sophie_deangirl)
Posted at: May 6th, 2013 07:59 pm (UTC)
WONDERFUL as always

This was great! I love every aspect of a tag that changes, illuminates, alters or rectifies the way that the show killed off Stephen. He deserved more than just a look (though James's expression is amazing in its complexity in that one glance without saying any words) and a grave marker. I love this exchange, the friendship, the bond and of course I love that Cutter demands in the most poignant of ways that Stephen has to live and make everything up to him. Excellent!

Fave part:

Stephen finds that his throat doesn’t work and the world is fraying around the edges. The only thing that he can see is Cutter; the only thing he can feel is the other man’s arms. He wants to apologize -- not just for this, but for everything. He wants to tell Cutter he was a stupid kid and that he’s regretted it every day since. He wants to tell Cutter that he didn’t lock himself in a room full of predators as penance; he did it because Cutter’s already suffered too much on his account.

That’s the difference between suicide and selflessness. Stephen thinks he committed both, perhaps, and he wants to apologize for that, too.

-GREAT!!!

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: May 12th, 2013 08:50 pm (UTC)
Re: WONDERFUL as always
stephen cutter

Stephen's death still completely destroys me, which is why I never tire of fixing it in fic. And really, the fact that his death happened that way was such a waste of opportunity!

Thanks :)

Posted by: reggietate (reggietate)
Posted at: May 6th, 2013 08:24 pm (UTC)
circleofglass

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Fabulous!

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: May 12th, 2013 08:51 pm (UTC)
stephen cutter distance

Aw, thank you :)

Posted by: goldarrow (goldarrow)
Posted at: May 6th, 2013 08:58 pm (UTC)

Oh. My. God.
*wibbles*
Poor Stephen.
And both evil and magnificent of Cutter to know that guilt would be the only weapon that would keep Stephen going, and to have the strength to use it.

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: May 12th, 2013 08:51 pm (UTC)
stephen cutter distance

Honestly, I was writing this and it felt so redundant that I had no idea what I was going to have Cutter say to make it different. So I'm glad this worked!

Thanks!

Posted by: nietie (nietie)
Posted at: May 6th, 2013 09:07 pm (UTC)
Nick/StephenBW

Heartbreaking. But so beautiful.

Thank you for this gorgeous fic. You always manage to go so deep into the soul of the character. Fabulous.

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: May 12th, 2013 08:52 pm (UTC)
stephen goodbye

I'm glad you liked it! And I hope you had a great birthday :)

Posted by: fredbassett (fredbassett)
Posted at: May 6th, 2013 09:13 pm (UTC)

This is great! I love the way Nick manipulates Stephen into finding the will to live.

Lovely :)

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: May 12th, 2013 08:53 pm (UTC)
stephen up

I've written many of these scenes that it sometimes gets to be a challenge to make them different :) So I'm glad this worked!

Thanks!

Posted by: clea2011 (clea2011)
Posted at: May 6th, 2013 09:39 pm (UTC)
Stephen black white

That was great! Poor Stephen! Lovely ficlet.

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: May 12th, 2013 08:53 pm (UTC)
stephen broken

Thank you :)

Posted by: knitekat (knitekat)
Posted at: May 6th, 2013 09:42 pm (UTC)

Eek! Love Nick forcing Stephen to live. Yay for fixits.

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: May 12th, 2013 08:56 pm (UTC)
stephen goodbye

I never tire of fix its :)

Thanks!

Posted by: freddiejoey (freddiejoey)
Posted at: May 6th, 2013 10:26 pm (UTC)
Typewriter

Beautifully written

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: May 12th, 2013 08:56 pm (UTC)
stephen cutter

Thank you :)

Posted by: 47eleven (47eleven)
Posted at: May 7th, 2013 02:38 am (UTC)
Surrender

Brilliant!

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: May 12th, 2013 08:56 pm (UTC)
stephen cutter distance

Thanks so much :)

Posted by: kristen_mara (kristen_mara)
Posted at: May 7th, 2013 09:27 am (UTC)
Blurred


You're really gushing forth the angsty 'badly injured Stephen in Nick's arms' today, aren't you? Love it! Another part of this better arrive tomorrow!

Poor Cutter, having to take such a big risk to try to make Stephen live. Yes, the aftermath won't be pretty, but at least Nick will be there for him...

The Stephen thoughts and feels...

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: May 12th, 2013 08:57 pm (UTC)
stephen breathing

LOL, yeah, I realized when I wrote this that I'd done a nearly identical scene in my drabble. Finding new ways to keep them original is a challenge -- one I seem to be up to :)

Thanks!

Posted by: mayakitten (mayakitten)
Posted at: May 7th, 2013 10:23 am (UTC)
PriWriMo Stephen

Oh Stephen. Do what you're told for once ;)

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: May 12th, 2013 08:57 pm (UTC)
stephen angsty

LOL, that'd be nice if he did :)

Thanks!

Posted by: natchris (natchris)
Posted at: May 7th, 2013 11:02 am (UTC)
Stephen

LOVELY!

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: May 12th, 2013 08:58 pm (UTC)
stephen cutter sit

Thank you :)

Posted by: fififolle (fififolle)
Posted at: May 7th, 2013 04:02 pm (UTC)
Primeval - Stephen/Nick Dirty Boys

Oh! *sniffle*
That's so beautiful and sad and I know he'll make it <3

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: May 12th, 2013 08:58 pm (UTC)
stephen cutter distance

I tend to prefer having him live :)

Thanks!

Posted by: judithjohn (judithjohn)
Posted at: May 9th, 2013 11:15 am (UTC)

*reaches for more tissues*

*still love it*

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: May 12th, 2013 08:58 pm (UTC)
stephen and cutter

Thanks so much :)

Posted by: eriah211 (eriah211)
Posted at: May 9th, 2013 09:20 pm (UTC)
Stephen_gif

Poor Stephen *hugs him*
But yay for not giving up. Heartbreaking but great h/c ^_^

Posted by: do i dare or do i dare? (faye_dartmouth)
Posted at: May 12th, 2013 08:59 pm (UTC)
stephen cutter distance

Poor Stephen. I like to think if he did survive, things would get better for him.

Thanks!

40 Read Comments
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